Sunday, February 14, 2010

"It Depends" and what it really means...

So this MBA Aspirant calls up this freshly minted MBA Graduate he used to work with. They used to be close friends, and Mr Aspirant wants some pointers on whether he should do an MBA...

Aspirant: Boss, MBA kiya, how's it going man? Any good placement offers? Jump in salary?
Grad: It's going well. I've got 2 offers - evaluating them. The package is being negotiated.
[Read: Saala, 2 offer mila. Ek 8 lakh ka - Selling Soap. Ek 10 lakh ka - Selling Insurance. One's in Varanasi, and One's in Daryaganj. Fascinating, No?]

Aspirant: But it's been over 2 months since you graduated yaar. Still no decisions?
Grad: These are important decisions that should not be rushed.
[Read: I have no more choice in these matters. I have an frikking education loan to pay!!!]

Aspirant: Cool cool. Boss, I'm thinking of doing an MBA. What do you think?
Grad: Great yaar! It's probably the best investment of your life, yaar.
[Read: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.... SUCKER!!!!!!]

Aspirant: So how is the BSB you attended? Awesome campus maan....
Grad: Yes, I'm very happy with BSB.. Its a once-in-a-lifetime experience
[Read: Like marriage, once you're in, you're stuck with it.....]

Aspirant: Boss, what do you think of my chances yaar. Do I need more Work Ex?
Grad: It depends on how you present your case.
[Read: Saale buddhe, ek hi company mein 7 saal se kaam kar raha hai. Computer toh bechna aata nahin, Sabun kaise bechega???]

Aspirant: Boss, what should my GMAT be?
Grad: There is no upper or lower limit.
[Read: You RETARD, 800 is where the debate ends!]

Aspirant: Boss, Whom should I get my reccos from? They're really confidential, no?
Grad: Get them from someone who knows you well. Make sure you adhere to the code of conduct.
[Read: Such an idiot. I wrote my own reccos and then invited my boss over for dinner when I submitted them.]

Aspirant: What about the essays? I cannot think of material to work on.
Grad: You need to introspect on your life and what makes you special. Interests, life experiences, anything that you can showcase on your app.
[Read: Anything you write can, and will be used against you in a court of Law.]

Aspirant: Dude, whats the college like? Gimme some gyaan I can write specifically about this college.
Grad: Well, BSB emphasises on teamwork, working in diverse groups, understanding global networks, and using the platform to network effectively. It's a great learning experience as well.
[Read: You're on your own, your team members are from UP, Kerala, and Bangalore, You're treated like shit by exchange students, and if you don't beg with alumni, you wont get even a reply, let alone an interview. Oh and my grades were in the bottom 15% of the class.]

Aspirant: Boss, I just want to make money and get a good job so I can get married, and settle abroad. I also want to get into a job that is glamourous. Is this OK to write in the essays?
Grad: Your life goals are a deeply personal matter. But your main aim must be your professional growth. Concentrating on financial and/or material gains should not be your primary focus.
[Read: You dufus, you think I came here for the trees and the stones???]

Aspirant: Dude, what do you think of My Extra Curricular Activities? Do you think I should join a Social Service League?
Grad: Social Service should not be done just to put it on your resume. You should be deeply involved in what you do..
[Read: I quite liked my own story: I cleaned blind men's shit for 6 months, and then told the Adcom that my maternal uncle's brother-in-law's driver's son had blinded himself during Diwali. This moved me to helping other blind men cross the road. I also think that firecrackers should be banned. Wah Wah Wah!]

Aspirant: What do you think of my chances, maan?
Grad: I think you have a really strong case. But its important to write a strong application and communicate your strengths well.
[Read: Flip a coin, dude. FLIP A COIN.]

3 months and a lot of chewed fingernails later...

Aspirant: Dude, I got DINGED. They interviewed me and then DINGED me!
Grad: I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe you should study your goals more closely and re-apply. This is not a personal judgement on your profile. It just shows how strong the applicant pool was this year..
[Read: YOU STUPID LOSER. Thank god I'm still the only one who got an admit. Go back to selling hardware at Lamington Road. DO not even THINK that you are good enough to get in here, unless you use a fancy essay consultant and you learn to game the system. UNDERSTAND???]

2 comments:

Oye Kakke said...

another nice post man... will be good to keep up with ur blog posts.. since no more isb on pg ;) take care - tantrix from pg

Pranay the Srinivasan said...

Hey!

Saw you earlier around the blog as well..

Yes, I'm working on a kind of rogue's list of my posts from PG to put up here one at a time..

So what happened with you? Ding, kya?

Take Care,
Pranay