"It Depends" and what it really means...

So this MBA Aspirant calls up this freshly minted MBA Graduate he used to work with. They used to be close friends, and Mr Aspirant wants some pointers on whether he should do an MBA...

Aspirant: Boss, MBA kiya, how's it going man? Any good placement offers? Jump in salary?
Grad: It's going well. I've got 2 offers - evaluating them. The package is being negotiated.
[Read: Saala, 2 offer mila. Ek 8 lakh ka - Selling Soap. Ek 10 lakh ka - Selling Insurance. One's in Varanasi, and One's in Daryaganj. Fascinating, No?]

Aspirant: But it's been over 2 months since you graduated yaar. Still no decisions?
Grad: These are important decisions that should not be rushed.
[Read: I have no more choice in these matters. I have an frikking education loan to pay!!!]

Aspirant: Cool cool. Boss, I'm thinking of doing an MBA. What do you think?
Grad: Great yaar! It's probably the best investment of your life, yaar.
[Read: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.... SUCKER!!!!!!]

Aspirant: So how is the BSB you attended? Awesome campus maan....
Grad: Yes, I'm very happy with BSB.. Its a once-in-a-lifetime experience
[Read: Like marriage, once you're in, you're stuck with it.....]

Aspirant: Boss, what do you think of my chances yaar. Do I need more Work Ex?
Grad: It depends on how you present your case.
[Read: Saale buddhe, ek hi company mein 7 saal se kaam kar raha hai. Computer toh bechna aata nahin, Sabun kaise bechega???]

Aspirant: Boss, what should my GMAT be?
Grad: There is no upper or lower limit.
[Read: You RETARD, 800 is where the debate ends!]

Aspirant: Boss, Whom should I get my reccos from? They're really confidential, no?
Grad: Get them from someone who knows you well. Make sure you adhere to the code of conduct.
[Read: Such an idiot. I wrote my own reccos and then invited my boss over for dinner when I submitted them.]

Aspirant: What about the essays? I cannot think of material to work on.
Grad: You need to introspect on your life and what makes you special. Interests, life experiences, anything that you can showcase on your app.
[Read: Anything you write can, and will be used against you in a court of Law.]

Aspirant: Dude, whats the college like? Gimme some gyaan I can write specifically about this college.
Grad: Well, BSB emphasises on teamwork, working in diverse groups, understanding global networks, and using the platform to network effectively. It's a great learning experience as well.
[Read: You're on your own, your team members are from UP, Kerala, and Bangalore, You're treated like shit by exchange students, and if you don't beg with alumni, you wont get even a reply, let alone an interview. Oh and my grades were in the bottom 15% of the class.]

Aspirant: Boss, I just want to make money and get a good job so I can get married, and settle abroad. I also want to get into a job that is glamourous. Is this OK to write in the essays?
Grad: Your life goals are a deeply personal matter. But your main aim must be your professional growth. Concentrating on financial and/or material gains should not be your primary focus.
[Read: You dufus, you think I came here for the trees and the stones???]

Aspirant: Dude, what do you think of My Extra Curricular Activities? Do you think I should join a Social Service League?
Grad: Social Service should not be done just to put it on your resume. You should be deeply involved in what you do..
[Read: I quite liked my own story: I cleaned blind men's shit for 6 months, and then told the Adcom that my maternal uncle's brother-in-law's driver's son had blinded himself during Diwali. This moved me to helping other blind men cross the road. I also think that firecrackers should be banned. Wah Wah Wah!]

Aspirant: What do you think of my chances, maan?
Grad: I think you have a really strong case. But its important to write a strong application and communicate your strengths well.
[Read: Flip a coin, dude. FLIP A COIN.]

3 months and a lot of chewed fingernails later...

Aspirant: Dude, I got DINGED. They interviewed me and then DINGED me!
Grad: I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe you should study your goals more closely and re-apply. This is not a personal judgement on your profile. It just shows how strong the applicant pool was this year..
[Read: YOU STUPID LOSER. Thank god I'm still the only one who got an admit. Go back to selling hardware at Lamington Road. DO not even THINK that you are good enough to get in here, unless you use a fancy essay consultant and you learn to game the system. UNDERSTAND???]

Gabbar Singh in Mumbai

INT. NEWS STUDIO – DAY
A News Anchor is looking into the camera.
NEWS ANCHOR
Aaj hum baat karne wale hain Gabbar Singh se.
NEWS ANCHOR
Haan toh Gabbarji, Aap Mumbai mein kaise?
GABBAR SINGH
Sholay film ke success ke baad mere sab daaku-on ko film star banne ki chaahas lag gayi. Kaalia jaake Marathi film karne laga, Sambha ne idhar Hindi filmon mein villain ka role kiya, aur Viru ne bhi Basanti se shaadi kar liya.
Ramgarh mein IT revolution ho gaya. Sab log khet chhodkar IT aur Real Estate mein busy ho gaye. Baju ke gaon mein SEZ aa gaya toh sab gaon walon ne apni apni zameen karodon ke bhaav mein bechkar idhar aa gaye.
Thakur ne USA jaakar apne haat theek karwa liye. Radha ne Jaidev se shaadi kar liya.
Toh main akela daaku kya karta. Mumbai aa gaya kaam dhoondne.
NEWS ANCHOR
Toh aapka ghoda aur pistaul kahaan hai?
GABBAR
Pistaul toh main Police headquarters mein chhodke aaya hoon. Aur mera ghoda aaj kal maine Salman Khan ko de diya hai – Usko ghod-savaari ka bahut shauk hai. Veer-ta mein No.1 hai Sallu beta.
NEWS ANCHOR
Aap ko kaisa kaam chahiye?
GABBAR
Mujhe politics mein ghusna hai. Suna hai aaj kal Samajwadi party mein vacancy hai.
NEWS ANCHOR
Aapko lagta hai aapko ticket mil jaayega?
GABBAR
Haan mil jaayega. Mulayam ka bhai mere hi jail mein tha. Achchi dosti ban gayi.
NEWS ANCHOR
Toh yeh they Gabbar Singh. Aaj retired daaku, Kal honge Samajwadi Party ke naye General Secretary!
NAMASHKAR.

Report Card

And so about a dozen days ago, the Boss's Son received his report card.
Physics: 42 / 100 (You coulda been a contender....)
Biology: 63 / 100 (First Class. No More, No Less.)
Calculus: 10 / 100 (Can't earn, Cannot Count, Can Definitely Spend!)
Chemistry: 55 / 100 (And the ratings continue to slip from their lofty perch of 100%...)
Geometry: 30/ 100 (What goes round.... Comes in 3 shapes - round, oval, and globular.)
Algebra: 52 / 100 (The equations are changing)
History: 25 / 100 (When Rome burnt, I wept... When your father weeps, I....)
Geography: 5/ 100 (French Windows, a Higher Floor, A Garbage dump, a graveyard...)
P.T.: Fail.
IQ: Fail
Interpersonal Skils: Fail
Ambition: Pass
Achievement: Fail
Result: Condoned and Promoted to Year 2 of a Wonderful Marriage.