Sunday, July 18, 2010

How thoughtless of Me

And so today, under the unrelenting pressure exerted on me, I yield the stage to my friend, my counterpart, my alter-ego - the Boss's Son.

I have built my world and broken it down. Countless times. I have built my business, and earned my profits year after year. I have created financial models and I have fantasised about my life in the years ahead. I am a victim of my own ambition. I feel sand on my eyelids, and weights on my legs. I am sagging at my waist, and receding at my temples.

I broke the chain that held me and bit the hand that fed me for the curses and pain were unbearable. I have journeyed through the night, and above the clouds towards the glowing sun. I travel by plane and transit through airports. I love my life and I love my wife.

I travel ceaselessly, and I nurture and grow this tiny seed of a trade I have plied for close to half a year. With my visions blurring my sight, I set out to conquer the world.

I am master of my own destiny. And I am a slave to my own path.

I have lived on a beach and I have run on a beach with my children. I have swum the 7 oceans and I partake of the world's cuisines. My words linger with the masses I address and my generosity dwarfs my ruthlessness. I have seen all this and much much more.

I smote down all my avarice and I have lit up my beacon of hope. I know not the pain of the underachiever. There isn't that luxury to enjoy anymore.

My legs are tired, my hands are weak. My shoulders ache, and my voice is low. But my brain is shivering and my nerves are jangling. And my unceasing fingers exhort the treadmill of life to run faster. and faster. and faster.

I cannot predict what the future holds. But I have judged myself already. I am a marked man. In the sights of myself. I am the sniper and I am the mark. I pin myself under the weight of my own ideas and thoughts. For it is inevitable that I will succeed. It is untenable that my thoughts are unworthy of fruition.

I long for a warm blanket and a cold compress. For a soothing wave of blank darkness to envelop me completely as I await the cold harsh reality of tomorrow. But I am denied this every night. For uncaring to my choices, my brain processes thought.

And so I dream.


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