Saturday, May 06, 2006

User Manual for the Human Body - Part Deux

Dear Consumer Spirit,

A thousand apologies for cutting you off that day. We were sidetracked by a sudden inflow of bodies from an earthquake. We were called onto urgent sorting duty by the God-who-never-talks-but-points-obliquely-at-what-we-should-be-doing.

Well, no, as a rule we do not recycle human bodies. Each human shell is unique and is especially designed for the spirit it carries within. We design human bodies based on the stringent parameters laid down by the Elders Guiding Council based on past sins, future progress on the path to Nirvana, and all affecting factors, namely parenthood, previous mishandling of human bodies, premature disposal of the human shell on some trivial mishap (e.g.suicide). The guiding council lays down parameters when a spirit approaches conception, and decides on the broad outlines of how the human shell is to be constructed:

A. The morphology of the body: Whether it is superficially normal or deficient in some physical respect - i.e. a missing or deformed toe, or finger. Or it could also have additional fingers "added on", although these could also be rare manufacturing defects that usually cause no harm and are not usually important in determining a human shell's karma. e.g. Hritik Roshan.

B. The internal workings of the body: Whether there is some kind of inbuilt allergy discoverable later, and that can be used as a stern test of the spirit's character, and is usually employed when the spirit is trying to break into the next level of karma.

C. Grave physical defect: This state of human shell is used either to punish an errant spirit (But not so much punishment that it is relegated to a lower life form), for past misdeeds and exceeding its brief in a single life, or for misusing a human shell in a previous life - too much smoking, drinking, womanising, and / or drug abuse could lead to this. The only other reason a physical defect is implanted is to offer the human spirit a chance to jump 2 levels of karma towards Nirvana. This is therefore considered a double edged sword, and dear consumer spirit, be very careful whilst spending your celestial dollars on a human shell from us. If your brief this life is to lie back and enjoy the ride, you might be rudely surprised.

In very rare cases, where there is a malfunctioning human shell, we have instituted ways to deal with it. You could apply for a miscarriage or for a still birth. Both proceedures are frowned upon (although it is due to no fault of your own), the Guiding Council's stipulations clearly mention that on acceptance of a human shell, you are bound by their rules and you must try to make optimum use of the human shell alloted to you for that life. These means of returning to the counter could prove dangerous as it closes out an entry into life for that particular cycle, unless you find another slot to fill, which is not guaranteed, given our long waiting list waiting to enter this ultra modern world.

Note: For miscarriage, please read and fill application forms in Appendix XII.
For still birth, please read and fill application forms in Appendix XIII.
Our representatives from the hard luck and consolation division are standing by to take your calls and offer you free counselling if you should get a bad deal.

Now back to the further analysis of the new and improved Human Bodies on spirits nowadays:

As detailed earlier, the brain is extremely updated, and now with increased levels of fitness, medical training, we have employed spirits with good karma to be able to work wonders with small errors in brain configuration even in the middle of a life.

Now we shall enumerate the features of our central pumping station - the heart:

The heart was placed, after much debate on the left side of the human shell. We use some of the raw ends from your soul to connect into this organ. That way you have control (or atleast communication) with both, the brain and the heart. These are the most important decision enhancing centres of your body. Always remember that because there is a lot of energy being utilised by the heart, the decisions offered through this organ may save on energy and appear simplistic. However these short cuts have the ability to make your life difficult. We are working on making the heart more rational, but however, we have been cautioned that this may trigger a drop in romanticism across the board, which will cause our factory sales to slow down.

Although it is an ethical issue, we are doing our best to strike a healthy balance between a rational heart and an impulsive heart. However, diverting the heart from these decisions also has an effect on the basic working, and causes sudden pains, and chest pains caused by the erratic pumping of the living fluids - in this case, blood.

Watch this space as we talk in more detail about the heart and expound on the other features that go into the making of a human body. Your Human Body.

Live smart. Choose the Celestial Human Body Shop.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Do people really believe this unproven silliness? Punishment for womanizing? How sad that people would rather believe this than get an education.