Cheap at Double the Price

I think I want to buy an apartment.

So my friend and I went to look at this apartment complex, who boasts an astoundingly low rate of Rs 4000.00 per square foot, and says it is in Mulund. East, but still Mulund.

And it was a reputed Builder, renowned for its quality construction, luxury lifestyle apartments, and large towers.

So we went looking for the apartment complex. We went past Nahur station, and turned left on the highway. We passed the signal before the Toll Naka. Then we passed the Toll Naka. (After we paid the Toll). Then we took a U-turn just before the Octroi Naka where someone had thoughtfully pulled out the dividing section of concrete between the 2 opposing lanes, to ensure we could take a U-turn before entering Thane. Then we took a left on a dirt track that boasted the entry to the BMC Dumping Ground. The road took a sharp right in front of the dirty black BMC gate and we were suddenly confronted by 2 security guards who wanted to know why our lowly Innova wanted to enter their hallowed premises. When we assured them that we bore no ill-will, they smiled and directed us with their grimey hands and blackened teeth.

We were suitably impressed by the height of the towers; The progress of the construction; The bright blue swimming pool. Actually real! And we were whisked into a sterile meeting room with the Sales Officer. Mr Important. And he regarded us carefully.

This property is top of the line. 27 storey towers. With views of the garden in front and the green belt in the back. Green belt? The future green belt. Currently known as the landfill that had green organic matter growing on it. But no no no, Sir, you have nothing to worry about. There is no burning here and it is no health hazard. And besides, they are building a new bridge that is on the Development Plan but does not exist. So please do not look for that bridge. And ofcourse, you are 15 minutes walk from Thane Station, but make no mistake Sir. You are in Mulund, NOT Thane. You may have to pay toll every time you want to take a pee. And everytime you want to bring a package home from the station you will have to pay octroi. But what is that minor harrassment and expense when you can see what you have in front of you!!!

27 storeyed towers. E3 flats, also known as 2 1/2 BHK flats. Not 2. Not 3. 2 1/2 BHKs. You know, for that inconveniently unplanned second kid?? And Free Dry Balconies. Yes!! Free. Ofcourse, we have 30% loading on Built Up. So you can use only 850 sq feet in a billed space of 1225 sq feet. Never mind that when you load 30% on 850 sq feet it adds up to 1105, not 1225 sq feet. But defensive builders are the foundation of reverse mathematics. So the cost of the Flat is Rs 51.65 lakhs plus Stamp Duty and Registration of Rs 2.75 lakhs, so your total is Rs 54.40 lakhs. Cheap, no?

Oh and sorry sir, there is an additional cost of Rs 15 per floor rise. Oh, and parking costs Rs 3.50 lakhs if you want to put your car under the building. If you want to leave it open to the elements, it will cost you Rs 2.00 lakhs. Very reasonable. The society and other deposits are only RS 2.50 lakhs. Not much at all.
We cannot negotiate the rate you know sir. Ofcourse if you can bring your booking amount of Rs 51,000 to the table, we can take a spot approval for rate from my superiors. Can we do that?

Oh, and last of all. We can only show 3400 rs per sq foot in the agreement. If you dont have Rs 7.50 lakhs in black money to give us, dont even waste our time.

I'm sorry but this does not seem to suit our budget.

I'm so sorry to hear that. You know, you should have come in here 16 months ago. The price was 2000 Rs per sq foot then. Have a good day.

utekkare,

Pranay