Saturday, November 11, 2006

A shop to end all things

If you are not winning at life..
If you have been rejected by that special someone..
If you are just looking to end your life..

Visit US!!

We stock the very latest in suicide equipment, ranging from:

Easy-to-digest(TM) poisons in various flavours - Most popular selling flavours are Red Wine and Vanilla Vodka.. Naturally extracted poisons from the root of the Dead Poets Societal Tree, Artificially sweetened with the natural goodness of deathly wines, and balanced to perfection with vanilla pods laced with the spice of fermented weed-potatoes.

Rotor-Expansion Neck Crushers - One size fits all Neck Chokers made from barbed wire of the finest quality steel, procured from the local bhangar-wallah, rusted by age, and septically treated to offer a greater chance of infection in case of unforeseen survival and subsequent hospitalisation. These expand and contract to fit your neck.

Self-Impaling Knife-Blades - Usually very efficient when used with a sweeping motion from left to right, using your neck as resistance to ensure smooth elimination of offending soul. These are used by warriors and are not for the faint hearted.

The Suicide Shop prides itself on offering cutting edge suicide solutions for all character types.

Our motto is "If you gotta kill yourself, we've got the tools!"

Now, moving on to our latest range of free-fallers, ice-cutters, and surgical implements.

Free Faller Ver MUMHIGH2006: A latest range of new sky scraper terraces in viewing range of the Tower of Silence, the Matunga Shamshaan, the Jogeshwari graveyard, and commercial terraces overlooking the Mahalaxmi graveyard offer great free falling options for all races, and religions. Caste no bar. Lax security offered for added ease of usage.

Ice-Cutters: Made famous by the character of Catherine Tramell, they come in points, varying lengths, and are stylishly decorated with carved mother of pearl handles.

Printed Dupattas: Popular with salwar kameezes, worn by the burgeoning middle class in Mumbai. Used in conjunction with a cross bar or fan or some type of structural cross-beam that supports weight of individual acquiring our services.

Please look for our special deals on Empty syringes, Aids Infected condoms, Shark Deaths, Piranha MunchFests, Euthanasia Undressals.

We are situated at the corner of Depresshe Lane and End Ave.

Use this flyer to get a premature death signal on the ECG monitor using our proprietory Heart Stopping Valve.

yours in death,

The Suicide Shop


Anonymous said...

Very, very dark... do you need a hug? If so, it is not, for any reason, ever, coming from me but I could have it arranged. Just say the word. I've gotta' guy (so to speak... actually, the guy is a girl... hot, Latina, etc... you would like her).

Utkekare (again, so to speak).

Anonymous said...

OMFG, makes up for a great read, too