Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Things I will never do

And today when I did things I had promised I would never do, like going to Siddhivinayak, and turning my cell phone off, and bragging about a vacation to Mauritius and chatting in the middle of the day, and talking about my brother's girlfriend, I will talk about things I will never do:

Like feeling superior when a small boy comes up and begs. Like shaving with a shaving brush, and Palmolive Shaving Cream and a Gillette Razor. Like walking up to make friends with strange women in nightclubs. Like asking strange women "would you like to make friendship with me?". Like going to first day first show. Like spending 35,000 bucks on the newest latest cell phone. Like going to Singapore (or Malaysia or Thailand or Mauritius) for a holiday. Like going to a stadium to watch a cricket match. Like going anywhere to watch a football or hockey match. Like travelling to Virar (or Vasai or Naigaon). Like walking upto Siddhivinayak.

Like getting a suit stitched to my size. Like getting anything stitched to wear. Like wearing ultraviolet hair gel. Like wearing yellow trousers. Like wearing white shoes. Like wearing sunglasses in a gym. Like "pumping" weights in the gym for 4 hours straight. Like parading myself in front of an actor's house. Even Amitabh Bachchan's house.

Like marry a Gujarati. Like liking to eat karela. Like live in Dahisar. or Mira Road. or Kalyan. or Kasara. Like own a farmhouse.

And things I will never be able to do:
Like make friends with Abhisheik Bachchan. Like play the guitar. Like drive a car. Like take a day off to go attend a writing workshop. Like take a 'sabbatical'.
Like start a film project or write a film script or a film anything.
Like writing a good script for Darna Mana Hai. Like remembering to use the proper figures of speech and use the dots and commas and full stops where they are supposed to be used in a poem; a story; a script; a sentence. etc etc. Like win a music quiz. Like win a bollywood quiz.

And things that will never happen to me:
Like inheriting a lot of money from someone I never knew. Like receiving a love letter written in some deewani's blood. Like owning a make-up van. Like being asked to sing on screen. or off it. or being asked to do a voice over. or to dub for someone. or to scream "I love the Globus Sale" on radio. and expect to be paid for it. Like winning a prize for answering 3 correct questions on Sholay. or Deewar. or Golmaal. Like having children sitting on a sofa next to me on a stage with a large backdrop at my own reception. Like sitting on a horse for my marriage.

more later,


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