I think I want to buy an apartment.
So my friend and I went to look at this apartment complex, who boasts an astoundingly low rate of Rs 4000.00 per square foot, and says it is in Mulund. East, but still Mulund.
And it was a reputed Builder, renowned for its quality construction, luxury lifestyle apartments, and large towers.
So we went looking for the apartment complex. We went past Nahur station, and turned left on the highway. We passed the signal before the Toll Naka. Then we passed the Toll Naka. (After we paid the Toll). Then we took a U-turn just before the Octroi Naka where someone had thoughtfully pulled out the dividing section of concrete between the 2 opposing lanes, to ensure we could take a U-turn before entering Thane. Then we took a left on a dirt track that boasted the entry to the BMC Dumping Ground. The road took a sharp right in front of the dirty black BMC gate and we were suddenly confronted by 2 security guards who wanted to know why our lowly Innova wanted to enter their hallowed premises. When we assured them that we bore no ill-will, they smiled and directed us with their grimey hands and blackened teeth.
We were suitably impressed by the height of the towers; The progress of the construction; The bright blue swimming pool. Actually real! And we were whisked into a sterile meeting room with the Sales Officer. Mr Important. And he regarded us carefully.
This property is top of the line. 27 storey towers. With views of the garden in front and the green belt in the back. Green belt? The future green belt. Currently known as the landfill that had green organic matter growing on it. But no no no, Sir, you have nothing to worry about. There is no burning here and it is no health hazard. And besides, they are building a new bridge that is on the Development Plan but does not exist. So please do not look for that bridge. And ofcourse, you are 15 minutes walk from Thane Station, but make no mistake Sir. You are in Mulund, NOT Thane. You may have to pay toll every time you want to take a pee. And everytime you want to bring a package home from the station you will have to pay octroi. But what is that minor harrassment and expense when you can see what you have in front of you!!!
27 storeyed towers. E3 flats, also known as 2 1/2 BHK flats. Not 2. Not 3. 2 1/2 BHKs. You know, for that inconveniently unplanned second kid?? And Free Dry Balconies. Yes!! Free. Ofcourse, we have 30% loading on Built Up. So you can use only 850 sq feet in a billed space of 1225 sq feet. Never mind that when you load 30% on 850 sq feet it adds up to 1105, not 1225 sq feet. But defensive builders are the foundation of reverse mathematics. So the cost of the Flat is Rs 51.65 lakhs plus Stamp Duty and Registration of Rs 2.75 lakhs, so your total is Rs 54.40 lakhs. Cheap, no?
Oh and sorry sir, there is an additional cost of Rs 15 per floor rise. Oh, and parking costs Rs 3.50 lakhs if you want to put your car under the building. If you want to leave it open to the elements, it will cost you Rs 2.00 lakhs. Very reasonable. The society and other deposits are only RS 2.50 lakhs. Not much at all.
We cannot negotiate the rate you know sir. Ofcourse if you can bring your booking amount of Rs 51,000 to the table, we can take a spot approval for rate from my superiors. Can we do that?
Oh, and last of all. We can only show 3400 rs per sq foot in the agreement. If you dont have Rs 7.50 lakhs in black money to give us, dont even waste our time.
I'm sorry but this does not seem to suit our budget.
I'm so sorry to hear that. You know, you should have come in here 16 months ago. The price was 2000 Rs per sq foot then. Have a good day.
utekkare,
Pranay
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Getting too old for this
So I went out today. After all it was Saturday night. And I definitely did not want it to be the loneliest night of the week. And since I met Trevor, we decided we wanted to go out, party, go crazy, and generally have a great time.
And since my simple goddess was unavailable, and all the other maidens were bowled over, by potato-deprived maharashtrians, and punjabi horses of iron, we decided to make it a boy's night out.
And to begin with, I thought, what the hell, since I work on Sundays as well, I might as well work hard, and party harder. And so I managed to close up by 8.30 PM.
Then we thought, we would go to this awesome nightclub where I would be able to wangle an entry on the guest list. Never mind that it is free entry before 10 PM, and never mind that the nightclub was in the mall 4 storeys below my office.
But we had to take the dog home in the car, and the driver needed to be sent home early if we were to get to work on Sunday. So we ended up at my place, dropped off the dog, and started discussing prices of real estate, interiors, shelf placements, and the cost of double bedsheets.
But since I was not to be deterred, I changed my shoes, and wore funky light brown sports shoes, and sidestepped all efforts to sit down to dinner, and discuss wall colors, varnish, polish, and cabinets.
We left, and generally congratulated each other as I made elaborate plans to get sloshed. And since we were in College again, we discussed how foolish it would be to go to Leopold's since the price would be too high. Instead we could even go to Lalit's and enjoy the quarter system. Like old times.
And we could have gone to Lower Parel, Bowling Company, and bowled a few games, and had a few beers, and struck up a conversation with the all girls team bowling alongside us. But we didnt. After all who needs a sore right arm the next morning?
And we could have called a couple of friends, and gone dancing and drinking in a nightclub. But my knees are not OK yet, and Trevor didnt want to risk breaking his leg again. So we didnt. After all who needs more complications in body parts?
And we could have gone for a movie at IMAX, and enjoyed the late night show thoroughly. But we needed our sleep, and since we didnt want to bleary eyed the next day, we didnt. After all who likes a crotchety Pranay at 10 AM on a Sunday morning?
And then we decided that we were men, and we went to shoot some Pool. We smirked at the kids playing there, atleast 10 years our junior. And 2 kids cockily came up and asked if we would play Doubles, we nervously looked at each other, and I stuttered, "No LP"... After all the last thing we need on a Macho Saturday night is a reality check before 2 kids.
And we talked about our trips abroad, and compared notes on how the white house looked, and reminisced about what we used to do when we were in college, and how years had passed. And we continued playing mediocre Pool and feeling good about ourselves.
And after 2 drinks, we decided to head home, and hailed a taxi. As we drove down Mahapalika Marg, I exclaimed that we should go back to College once.. For old times sake. As we passed it I realised that most kids we would pass in that college hadn't even been born when we were in college. I held my counsel thereafter.
And I dropped Trev off, and the cabbie took me meandering along Foras Road. And I could have jumped off the cab, and walked to Delhi Darbar, and explored those gallis, and observed, and taken a cab home later. But I was unsure of who might jump me, and drug me and force intercourse on me. And I kept thinking, I'm too old for this.
And then I reached home, took my medicine for a scratchy throat, an aching back, a pulled muscle, a headache, and checked my hair loss in the mirror.
Sigh. I'm going to have to get a hair cut sometime soon. I'm too old for this.
utekkare,
Pranay
And since my simple goddess was unavailable, and all the other maidens were bowled over, by potato-deprived maharashtrians, and punjabi horses of iron, we decided to make it a boy's night out.
And to begin with, I thought, what the hell, since I work on Sundays as well, I might as well work hard, and party harder. And so I managed to close up by 8.30 PM.
Then we thought, we would go to this awesome nightclub where I would be able to wangle an entry on the guest list. Never mind that it is free entry before 10 PM, and never mind that the nightclub was in the mall 4 storeys below my office.
But we had to take the dog home in the car, and the driver needed to be sent home early if we were to get to work on Sunday. So we ended up at my place, dropped off the dog, and started discussing prices of real estate, interiors, shelf placements, and the cost of double bedsheets.
But since I was not to be deterred, I changed my shoes, and wore funky light brown sports shoes, and sidestepped all efforts to sit down to dinner, and discuss wall colors, varnish, polish, and cabinets.
We left, and generally congratulated each other as I made elaborate plans to get sloshed. And since we were in College again, we discussed how foolish it would be to go to Leopold's since the price would be too high. Instead we could even go to Lalit's and enjoy the quarter system. Like old times.
And we could have gone to Lower Parel, Bowling Company, and bowled a few games, and had a few beers, and struck up a conversation with the all girls team bowling alongside us. But we didnt. After all who needs a sore right arm the next morning?
And we could have called a couple of friends, and gone dancing and drinking in a nightclub. But my knees are not OK yet, and Trevor didnt want to risk breaking his leg again. So we didnt. After all who needs more complications in body parts?
And we could have gone for a movie at IMAX, and enjoyed the late night show thoroughly. But we needed our sleep, and since we didnt want to bleary eyed the next day, we didnt. After all who likes a crotchety Pranay at 10 AM on a Sunday morning?
And then we decided that we were men, and we went to shoot some Pool. We smirked at the kids playing there, atleast 10 years our junior. And 2 kids cockily came up and asked if we would play Doubles, we nervously looked at each other, and I stuttered, "No LP"... After all the last thing we need on a Macho Saturday night is a reality check before 2 kids.
And we talked about our trips abroad, and compared notes on how the white house looked, and reminisced about what we used to do when we were in college, and how years had passed. And we continued playing mediocre Pool and feeling good about ourselves.
And after 2 drinks, we decided to head home, and hailed a taxi. As we drove down Mahapalika Marg, I exclaimed that we should go back to College once.. For old times sake. As we passed it I realised that most kids we would pass in that college hadn't even been born when we were in college. I held my counsel thereafter.
And I dropped Trev off, and the cabbie took me meandering along Foras Road. And I could have jumped off the cab, and walked to Delhi Darbar, and explored those gallis, and observed, and taken a cab home later. But I was unsure of who might jump me, and drug me and force intercourse on me. And I kept thinking, I'm too old for this.
And then I reached home, took my medicine for a scratchy throat, an aching back, a pulled muscle, a headache, and checked my hair loss in the mirror.
Sigh. I'm going to have to get a hair cut sometime soon. I'm too old for this.
utekkare,
Pranay
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Generalisations, and Accusations, and Insinuations, and Suchlike
So on a saturday morning, in the middle of the desert, some general mindless meandering thoughts, and points of view, and interesting observations (All my own work)..
Like I found out that I'm not the only pretender who apes Behram Contractor. And that there are those who are given reams and reams of newsprint so they may sully their reader's eyes with mediocre Busybee-ish "Like"s and dis"Like"s... and is it coincidental, or is it completely intended that these mediocre observations should accompany mediocre cricket?
And that I am getting to write again. And that when the spirit is willing, the body is conveniently misplaced at some other location.
Like Karma is easy come easy go.
Like Mind blowing lines, and Slick copy accompanying equally intelligent thoughts, and round about sentences in mildly suggestive assertiveness, describing situations that bring on heady bouts of anger, distaste, opinions, salty prose, and irritation, should be written down and noted down for posterity's sake.
And I visited Panvel in an ST Bus. It was a quick journey there. That is the only adjective I can generously use in favour of the ST Bus. And contrary to popular perception, the driver was safe. Ofcourse, that is a subjective point of view, since I, the subject was sitting on the inside, and the seats were Definitely greener on my side of the fence.
And I saw that the small village once was famous for its Ramakant Vada-Pav, and its Bhajiya and Chai and Waterfalls, and nature treks, and small paths, and panthers in its greenery, and being on the way to Karnala, and Goa, and Pune, and Khopoli, and Karjat, is no longer on the way but is the end on the map.
And all traces of the that old village have been obliterated, and now assembly-line townships, and buildings, and roads, and post offices, and ICICI Banks, and HDFC Banks, and Mahesh Tutorials, and McDonalds, and foresighted individuals, once in decrepit rickshaws, now in Sumos and Scorpios, preening around their 50,000 Rs per meter foot land, never mind that it is in the mangroves, and that it is in a swamp, and that the roads look like the Moon's Surface, and that there are no street lights, and that your nearest neighbours are snakes and crabs.
And builders, and investors, and gujjus, and sindhis and Mr and Mrs Moneybags from Andheri and Juhu, and Bandra, and Santacruz, investing and hungrily staring at their property prices doubling and then tripling, rubbing their hands in glee.
Ofcourse, all this humbled me, so I returned by ST Bus, and (although I was suitably irritated by the ST bus), I returned in 1 piece and far earlier than a train or a car would reach me.
And now I must go. Or my flight will offload me.
utekkare,
Pranay
Like I found out that I'm not the only pretender who apes Behram Contractor. And that there are those who are given reams and reams of newsprint so they may sully their reader's eyes with mediocre Busybee-ish "Like"s and dis"Like"s... and is it coincidental, or is it completely intended that these mediocre observations should accompany mediocre cricket?
And that I am getting to write again. And that when the spirit is willing, the body is conveniently misplaced at some other location.
Like Karma is easy come easy go.
Like Mind blowing lines, and Slick copy accompanying equally intelligent thoughts, and round about sentences in mildly suggestive assertiveness, describing situations that bring on heady bouts of anger, distaste, opinions, salty prose, and irritation, should be written down and noted down for posterity's sake.
And I visited Panvel in an ST Bus. It was a quick journey there. That is the only adjective I can generously use in favour of the ST Bus. And contrary to popular perception, the driver was safe. Ofcourse, that is a subjective point of view, since I, the subject was sitting on the inside, and the seats were Definitely greener on my side of the fence.
And I saw that the small village once was famous for its Ramakant Vada-Pav, and its Bhajiya and Chai and Waterfalls, and nature treks, and small paths, and panthers in its greenery, and being on the way to Karnala, and Goa, and Pune, and Khopoli, and Karjat, is no longer on the way but is the end on the map.
And all traces of the that old village have been obliterated, and now assembly-line townships, and buildings, and roads, and post offices, and ICICI Banks, and HDFC Banks, and Mahesh Tutorials, and McDonalds, and foresighted individuals, once in decrepit rickshaws, now in Sumos and Scorpios, preening around their 50,000 Rs per meter foot land, never mind that it is in the mangroves, and that it is in a swamp, and that the roads look like the Moon's Surface, and that there are no street lights, and that your nearest neighbours are snakes and crabs.
And builders, and investors, and gujjus, and sindhis and Mr and Mrs Moneybags from Andheri and Juhu, and Bandra, and Santacruz, investing and hungrily staring at their property prices doubling and then tripling, rubbing their hands in glee.
Ofcourse, all this humbled me, so I returned by ST Bus, and (although I was suitably irritated by the ST bus), I returned in 1 piece and far earlier than a train or a car would reach me.
And now I must go. Or my flight will offload me.
utekkare,
Pranay
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